Are You a New Manager? Common Traps to Avoid

Understanding what new managers typically get wrong is vital to avoiding common mistakes and helping new managers grow into managerial roles effectively. 

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Let’s consider this first mistake: avoiding tough conversations. Many new managers shy away from offering feedback for fear of being disliked. Establishing trust and rapport takes time; it will not happen overnight. This said, part of the process of giving good feedback is by learning how to give it: Be clear, timely, and respectful. Feedback should be about growth (understanding personal and professional goals of team members is a great starting point). 

Another common mistake is thinking that management is about control when it is not. Above, you learned the essentiality of having candid conversations. Those feedback-driven conversations will be better received when a foundation of trust is established. Part of ensuring the relationship is functional is by not needing to prove a new manager is in charge. New managers may fall into the trap of trying to control all tasks and decisions. When you understand that good management is more about influence, support/coaching, and removing obstacles so that team members can thrive, the focus becomes less about the self and more about the whole. 

And a third common mistake is focusing solely on the task (failing at EQ). When we focus only on execution and deadlines, we miss how people feel. And how people feel can greatly influence the quality of work. The culture of your workgroup will flow from you as the manager, and thus you must create a psychologically safe environment, while also leading intentionally (modeling empathy, for example).

Why Empathy Is Not a Dirty Word

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I’ve seen headlines of late: “How Empathy Became a Threat,” “The Bizarre Right-Wing War on…Empathy?,” and more. The notion that empathy can be seen as a weakness, and that empathy may just lead you to be manipulated, is… interesting. I suppose even the Golden Rule has been challenged (see Tony Alessandra’s the Platinum Rule). But let’s do a full-on non-political stop. Empathy is not a weakness. Empathy - get ready for it - is a full-blown superpower. It’s inquisitive, not accusatory. It’s thoughtful, not belligerent. And it can be used for diffusing conflict. 

Empathetic leaders know it’s not all about them. And they certainly know they aren’t always right. 

Let’s take a recent example from a client. Manager A and Manager B hit heads. Manager A is a conflict seeker while Manager B is conflict-averse. Manager B (a superior) was having a hard time with Manager A not meeting expectations. As a result of conveying these concerns, Manager A took it as a personal attack and unleashed on Manager B (full-blown temper tantrum). Manager B paused, reflected, and extended an olive branch after this showing, seeking to understand. Manager A declined acceptance and continued down the path of rage. 

This situation could have unfolded in many different ways, but it’s not shocking that Manager A and Manager B had a conflict; they are ends of magnets that repel one another (which, funny enough, are called “like poles”). If we review this situation, even without the details, what do we know? We know that one person has seniority (Manager B), and that was not a deterrent to Manager A. We know that one person sought resolution (Manager B), and that it was declined by Manager A. We know that one person was missing the mark at their job, and thus, it got addressed.

Could you imagine if Manager B had zero empathy? This would have been a colossal conflict. And, could you imagine if Manager A had any? Manager A would have wanted to learn how to improve, understand what they missed, and most importantly, would have appreciated Manager B’s attempt to reconcile.

I see conflict day in and day out. And, most often, people take offense when none is meant. Tone, body language, and even eye contact can, of course, influence how relatable someone is, or how open they are intending to be, but it’s often the receiver who needs to work on their judgment. The beauty of empathy is that it takes strength to understand another person. What happened that morning to them? What’s going on with their family? What stress do you not know about? Being the person who does not always need to leverage anger, a very rudimentary human response (again, reference the image of the toddler melting down in this post), takes strength. It takes wisdom. It takes temperance. Manager B sought to understand Manager A even after an unhelpful and aggressive response. Isn’t that what you hope for in a manager? (And yes, in also a world leader.)

Whether you are a manager or not, practicing empathy will help you relate better to others, and it can be used as a tool for influence. 

How to Delegate

A lot of the topics I cover are team-minded. Regardless of our KPIs, we are leaders of people at the end of the day… and leaders have their work cut out for them: Balancing managerial responsibilities with their own workflows, and aiming to be an effective communicator throughout it all. 

But what happens when a manager doesn’t know how to delegate? The responsibilities become even greater.

We often see managers become managers because of their success in being an individual contributor (IC). This is where I come in to help the IC learn how to manage effectively. But let’s pretend I’m not in the picture. What often happens when an IC turns into a manager is that he/she forgets that they are no longer an IC — and they can have a really hard time relinquishing control. 

What’s harder than being responsible for a team? Being responsible for the team and taking on the work of the team. Back to my point about delegation and skill building. 

If you’re drowning in work, here’s a checklist to get you started with delegation:

1) Identify what tasks can be delegated. What’s appropriate to divide among the team? How does this align with their yearly goals? 

2) Choose the right person to manage each task. You must match skill and experience. This provides insight into skill gaps and opportunities for professional development. Seniority may come into play here, too. 

3) Provide a roadmap. What is the project, when must it be done, and how involved will you be? And, perhaps most importantly, what does success look like for completion? 

Having a hard time delegating? Let’s discuss. 

It's Not All About You

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Picture this. You recently promoted a team member for their hard work. Outside of seniority, your recently promoted member, let’s call this person Sal, has worked hard to accomplish a great quantity of projects. Recently, one of Sal’s direct reports put in their notice. The report has had trouble for over a year, struggling with personal challenges, something you’ve been very understanding about. 

In your effort to be innovative, you dream up a solution: By offering Sal’s subordinate flexibility to continue to work, albeit not full-time, you allow space for a person who is personally struggling. Your team is performing well and you’ve invested significant time into your team’s camaraderie. 

We often wish organizations would be creative about the “human element.” People are complicated: there must be some allowances. Typically these allowances are measured in policy to ensure folks don’t take advantage. I’m all for standards and policies, but I’m also a strong advocate for innovation. If a company can retain a team member, even if the role and scope look a little different than what they were doing previously, that’s a win for everyone. 

While I could focus on the monumental win here of problem-solving when dealing with personnel issues, I actually want to go back to Sal. 

Sal’s response to this solution was dismal, at best. When approached with the idea to offer this arrangement to the team member, you are met with disbelief. “What will other people think?” “I had a hard year too.” The general tone is negative. 

You decide to proceed, as you feel it reflects the values of the team as a whole, but are troubled by Sal’s self-focused response. What do you do? 

It’s apparent there’s an empathy gap. Everyone has their own “stuff.” And only we know what we go through. But when anyone is put into a managerial position, the truth is empathy must increase. You must try to put on their glasses and see the world through a different lens.  If Sal’s boss also looked at Sal and any direct report without empathy, there’s no way the aforementioned solution would have been dreamt up. So how can we increase empathy, one of the most important attributes for a leader? Stay tuned, as I’ll provide suggestions for you and your team in my next post.