We’ve all encountered this less-fortunate circumstance. We are speaking with someone and they are unintentionally (let’s hope it’s unintentional) staring blankly back at you. Their face is telling you they either care little for what you are saying, or they must have forgotten to take out the cat’s litter box.
What this tells us is two-fold:
- Our physical actions speak volumes (especially when in opposition to the words coming out of our mouths).
- We need to be cognizant of what our face says – and our body – not only when we are speaking, but when we are listening.
Common traits of effective leaders include intelligence, confidence, charisma, determination, integrity, and sociability. Typically, too, these traits are conveyed early in your interactions. Early impressions are made in less than seven seconds so we better be ready.
Be in the here and now.
In our digital age we are conditioned to be easily distracted. Whether it’s the laptop in front of you, the cell phone by your side, or the multiple alerts you’re receiving on your smart watch, we are beyond skillful at being anywhere but in the present moment. Not only does presence in and of itself encourage active listening, it ultimately saves time. When we actually hear something the first time, it does not have to be repeated. When there’s recognition of comprehension, conflict is less likely. Temporarily putting devices “on the shelf,” so to speak, will even improve relationships. Whether it’s your colleague or your spouse, you will be viewed as more engaged and respectful.
Posture.
It’s a silent orchestra playing to your tune. Are you timid, embarrassed, and void of confidence? Or, do you believe in what you are saying, and can subtly encourage active listening with the ever-slight adjustment to your up-right position? (It’s OK if you just corrected your posture as you read this!)
Hand Movement.
An incredibly helpful tidbit I learned was from a speech communication professor. I have always communicated with my hands – but I found out I tend to err on the “too much hand movement” side of the scale. (I’m part Italian, it’s not my fault.) What I learned was important: too much hand movement can take away from what you’re saying – not add. This is particularly true for those who really need to focus on what it is you're saying (remember, not everyone is an auditory learner).
You may think it’s tedious but record yourself speaking. I know it seems rudimentary, but it’s not. You’ll witness your flailing arms – or lack thereof (let’s not look like we have cement in our fingers, either) and adjust accordingly.
Another note on hand movement: Just as frequency of use is important, so too are the formations. If you envision being scolded by a parent, what do you see? Pointed fingers. If you are aiming to influence a group of people, I do not advise leveraging “the point.” On the other hand, visualize someone welcoming you to their home. Do open arms come to mind? It’s been found a slight openness of the hands as you speak, present, etc., helps convey openness, collaboration, and trustworthiness.
More insights on powerful communication will be published soon! In the meantime, be cognizant of your posture, your digital etiquette, and your hand movements to ensure you are conveying the message you desire.