You Are Not As Lonely As You Think

Recent discourse with industry experts allowed me to reach the following conclusion: we are all a little more alike than we may know (or admit). For those who follow my blog and publications, you know I support middle managers across the spectrum— both frontline and mid-career. A trend I regularly hear from my coachees is that of a self-admitted lacking knowledge. This knowledge – knowledge to manage effectively, knowledge to spark cohesion, to craft a vision, to draw upon individuals’ strengths, is invaluable. The brilliant thing about education is that it cures these (management) ailments which cause disengagement and turnover. But at the root of this lacking knowledge is a feeling of loneliness.  

Loneliness is sparked by pressure: (1) pressure from the top to perform, to increase profit, to engage the workforce, and (2) pressure from the team to resolve concerns, increase resources, address benefits, resolve interpersonal conflict… the list goes on.

Although loneliness is a common theme – what I do not often see is a coalition for managers to learn from one another or to support each other (who has the time!?). I also observe hesitancy to allocate funding to the coaching and training of managers, even though disengagement costs businesses in the U.S. over $350 billion/year. While a different topic, managerial training is proven – yes proven – to retain talent.

Back to loneliness. What loneliness drives is isolation, and not much good comes from isolation. Creative solutions dissipate, cohesion of managers cease to exist, and the pressure managers feel to “do it all,” increases. 

In this same breath, loneliness is not an issue unique to middle management. In fact, I am told it is quite the opposite.

Wendy Luttrell, Owner of C Suite Goals, a west coast-based consulting firm, realized a need to support CEOs after her lived experience. Wendy is a seasoned CEO with experience in the Fashion sector (most notably taking BedHead Pajamas from 4M – 12M and exiting the owner profitably).  She is not unknown in fashion – having worked with Eileen Fisher, Sketchers, Linea Pelle, and Hello Kitty.  

From Wendy’s point of view:

 “When I was running BedHead it was a daily struggle to keep a positive attitude and motivate the team to grow.  Working alone in a vacuum can be paralyzing, I kept pushing forward by calling on my network to bounce ideas and get encouragement.  As CEO’s and business owners we are called upon to consistently be a support system for our teams and for the owners of our companies.  Who takes care of CEO’s?  This is why I feel I have a calling to provide a support system for CEO’s and business owners.  I work with CEO’s to help them through each day, when they feel like impostors, and when they feel the weight of the responsibility of leading the team with no support.  I consistently hear that CEO’s have no one to talk to.  Providing an ear through my Vistage Peer support group and through my private practice gives leaders a break – providing a safe space to talk about challenges they face and celebrate their victories and grow as people and leaders.” 

The challenges middle management or executive leaders face may be different, but a basic human need remains the same – the need to confide and the desire to collaborate with peers. The support that one gleans from shared experiences can yield creative solutions and offer emotional support. But, moreover, the discussion of our perceived isolation is useful to demonstrate how we are not all that different - an interesting takeaway.

Culture Styles in the Workplace

This week we address cultural styles as well as the advantages and disadvantages of each. In previous weeks we discussed (1) how leadership influences culture and the foundational elements or assumptions about culture and (2) the dimensions of culture – including people interactions and response to change.

Under this framework, it is clear culture is multifaceted. Often leaders understand that culture is comprised of behaviors, environment, ethical constructs, cliques, mores, and the like. And, when a leader is tuned into the culture, it is not atypical to identify areas that need to be changed or adjusted. Below are eight cultural styles identified by Harvard Business Review (HBR). Each includes a brief description as well as correlating advantages or disadvantages.

To consider: With what style does your organization align? What areas could your organization benefit from adopting?

*A = Advantages
*D = Disadvantages

A Culture of Caring:

Unsurprisingly, Caring cultures are defined by being relationally focused. Behaviors of this culture are rooted in sincere connection and are associated with warmth and support.

A: Engagement is high, as is trust
D: Slowed decision making

A Culture of Purpose:

Does your organization offer, and abide by, explicitly clear direction? Then it likely functions under a Purpose culture construct. The aim is to achieve ideal outcomes.

A: Social importance increases, e.g., diversity or corporate social responsibility
D: Idealism may hinder addressing immediate concerns

A Culture of Learning:

This cultural undertone would easily fall under the interdependent dimension of culture that is tolerant to change. Learning cultures encourage innovation and exploration.

A: Organizational learning yields invention
D: May not capitalize on current competitive advantages (always looking for the next opportunity)

A Culture of Enjoyment:

The foundational elements of Enjoyment revolve around joy and play. HBR recognizes this construct as fun-loving. Although I do not see this culture often, we would be wise to adopt some of its attributes (due to the observed advantages).

A: Engagement is high, as is creativity
D: Playfulness may yield minimal discipline

A Culture of Results:

Unlike its Learning cultural brother, a Results culture is goal focused and achievement oriented. Under the cultural dimensions, you will see Results align with independent frameworks where competition and autonomy are valued.

A: Goal achievement and execution increases
D: Collaboration suffers and work/life stress increases

A Culture of Authority:

As the Authority term is defined – it is bold and dominant. There is little room for indecisiveness and sensitivity is not valued.

A: Speed to decision-making
D: Toxicity is common, e.g., feeling of unsafety/unease

 A Culture of Safety:

Just as children thrive with schedules and structure, stability can bring people comfort. A Safety culture is always prepared and looks to be rational and realistic.

A: Adequate risk management and stable environment
D: Formal approach may fuel bureaucratic processes, leading to inefficiency

A Culture of Order:

Similar to the philosophical notion of deontological ethics, rules are the guide under a culture of Order. Rules are referenced above all else, but value is also placed on respect and cooperation.

A: Reduced conflict with an improvement in operational effectiveness
D: Rules or constructs may lead to group-think and reduce individualization, affecting (decreased) creativity.

Like most conceptual frameworks, the benefit in understanding nuances is to discover reality, recognize opportunity, and take steps to adopt necessary change. When you reach this point, and need tactical steps to achieve a shift in cultural outcome, contact me.

HBR analyzed organizations, executives, and employees alike to develop a model to identify cultural and individual leadership styles. The eight characteristics above are pulled from HBR’s research; these characteristics are mapped along a grid, aligning with two dimensions as discussed last week: people interaction and response to change. For the full report and further detail, should you find this data collection useful, feel free to reach out and I will gladly send it along.

Culture: The Elusive Lever

Whether we want it to be this way or not, leadership is directly linked to culture. Culture is influenced by leadership, and it is the leader(s) that actively take part in changing it.

Culture can drive behavior, change behavior, and even enable behavior. Whether we are reviewing the seminal work on culture (I will not bore you with that) or evaluating a modern-day company to assess culture, there are several notions most leadership experts, and researchers, can agree upon. My aim is to identify basic assumptions about culture, noted below. As a follow-up to this article, I will address several "culture styles." (If you do not know where you are, how will you know where you want to go?)

A culture does not live alone. It is created by shared behaviors and, my personal favorite, shared values. The culture is simply an amalgamation of norms and expectations. Dare I say: culture defines the unwritten rules. (Yet, I challenge leaders to write down the values that push culture forward.)

A culture lives on. Think of clients you have worked with, or customers to whom you have sold. Did they have a distinct culture? It is likely that culture has been in the works for some time. In fact, culture can attract people who are like-minded (see Benjamin Schneider’s model). It is the in-and-out group structuring of culture. The social pattern is present, attracts like-minded people, and the tracks becomes more engrained with each loop. Those who do not fit in tend to depart on their own free will, and the carousel goes ‘round.

A culture is a part of being human. Let us not forget our ancestors – they are our reason for being here, for surviving (yes, we can thank our ancestors for these wicked fight or flight responses – they kept us alive, albeit they are no longer needed in our lion-free cities!). Humans are meant to be with others – thus culture continuity makes all the more sense as discussed above. Just as homophily (birds of a feather flock together) is alive and well, behaviors have followed suit. [It is a bit more complex than I am making it out to be – see S. Schwartz and E.O. Wilson’s research for more detail.] Further, humans not only respond to culture, they are able to sense it. I know this much is for sure: I have been told by business professionals what their culture embodies, and have felt the opposite. But I have also been an active contributor to organizations where what they said was reality. It is in those moments I smile a smile of contentment.

Culture styles – they are up next week.

/Initially published via LinkedIn Articles/

Fear: A Silent Instigator

Of all complex situations in the workplace, fear is not often a term discussed or even considered when it comes to addressing and managing disagreements or tense situations.

I recently commenced reading a book I remind myself to open each year: Wired for Joy. The author, Laurel Mellin, helps readers understand more about how the brain functions. In brief (you should purchase the book!), there are joy circuits and stress circuits. Stress circuits are all around us – at home, in the office, on the road. Joy circuits, however, are harder to come by. And, like anything, practice makes perfect. When stress circuits are used regularly, they are more easily triggered.

OK, so what does this have to do with fear?

Picture yourself at work. You have a colleague who just wrote you a nastygram, insinuating your knowledge is inferior to their own. First, take virtual communication into consideration. This person may simply have a poor tone in email (I encourage you to pick up the phone *once you are calm* if you sense miscommunication or passive aggressive behavior). But beyond the tone or the insinuation, are your feelings. Your blood pressure rose, and your brain went straight to the stressed state.

What I described is as typical as getting water when we are thirsty. It’s not that we want to feel poor, but our brains tell us something is wrong. While I won’t try to explain the technicalities of neurotransmitters – Laurel can do that – I did consider a tactic that can help reground you and help you realize what is actually bothersome. What I realized is a lot of stress, and anger, stems from fear.

Next time you feel angry, give this method a shot:

• Ask yourself who you are angry toward. List the person or people.

• Then, ask yourself the reason. Record the reason.

• Now, consider what it effects. Self-esteem? Security? Ambitions? Personal relations?

• Finally, what are the underlying fears?

Let’s take the above example. Pretend Mark sent you the email. Mark is the person you are angry toward. The reason you are angry is that he is acting as he knows more than you do. <Enter reflective mode here.> The email made you feel less intelligent, gave you a swirl of insecurity about your job, and made you question if you are good enough. Further, you are now angry at Mark. How dare he? ... But what are you afraid of? Perhaps you are fearful you may lose your job, or you fear the project you need to work on with Mark will be a catastrophe.

Consider your feelings, and this process, the next time your blood boils. It may have less to do with the person (albeit we all have these tedious experiences!) and more to do with your fears. Once you recognize those fears, you are empowered to respond with insight – maybe even vulnerability – and not hostility. This helps ease tension and supports cohesion rather than opposition.

/Article originally published on LinkedIn./