You Are Not As Lonely As You Think

Recent discourse with industry experts allowed me to reach the following conclusion: we are all a little more alike than we may know (or admit). For those who follow my blog and publications, you know I support middle managers across the spectrum— both frontline and mid-career. A trend I regularly hear from my coachees is that of a self-admitted lacking knowledge. This knowledge – knowledge to manage effectively, knowledge to spark cohesion, to craft a vision, to draw upon individuals’ strengths, is invaluable. The brilliant thing about education is that it cures these (management) ailments which cause disengagement and turnover. But at the root of this lacking knowledge is a feeling of loneliness.  

Man alone in an empty parking lot, from pixabay

Loneliness is sparked by pressure: (1) pressure from the top to perform, to increase profit, to engage the workforce, and (2) pressure from the team to resolve concerns, increase resources, address benefits, resolve interpersonal conflict… the list goes on.

Although loneliness is a common theme – what I do not often see is a coalition for managers to learn from one another or to support each other (who has the time!?). I also observe hesitancy to allocate funding to the coaching and training of managers, even though disengagement costs businesses in the U.S. over $350 billion/year. While a different topic, managerial training is proven – yes proven – to retain talent.

Back to loneliness. What loneliness drives is isolation, and not much good comes from isolation. Creative solutions dissipate, cohesion of managers cease to exist, and the pressure managers feel to “do it all,” increases. 

In this same breath, loneliness is not an issue unique to middle management. In fact, I am told it is quite the opposite.

Wendy Luttrell, Owner of C Suite Goals, a west coast-based consulting firm, realized a need to support CEOs after her lived experience. Wendy is a seasoned CEO with experience in the Fashion sector (most notably taking BedHead Pajamas from 4M – 12M and exiting the owner profitably).  She is not unknown in fashion – having worked with Eileen Fisher, Sketchers, Linea Pelle, and Hello Kitty.  

From Wendy’s point of view:

 “When I was running BedHead it was a daily struggle to keep a positive attitude and motivate the team to grow.  Working alone in a vacuum can be paralyzing, I kept pushing forward by calling on my network to bounce ideas and get encouragement.  As CEO’s and business owners we are called upon to consistently be a support system for our teams and for the owners of our companies.  Who takes care of CEO’s?  This is why I feel I have a calling to provide a support system for CEO’s and business owners.  I work with CEO’s to help them through each day, when they feel like impostors, and when they feel the weight of the responsibility of leading the team with no support.  I consistently hear that CEO’s have no one to talk to.  Providing an ear through my Vistage Peer support group and through my private practice gives leaders a break – providing a safe space to talk about challenges they face and celebrate their victories and grow as people and leaders.” 

The challenges middle management or executive leaders face may be different, but a basic human need remains the same – the need to confide and the desire to collaborate with peers. The support that one gleans from shared experiences can yield creative solutions and offer emotional support. But, moreover, the discussion of our perceived isolation is useful to demonstrate how we are not all that different - an interesting takeaway.

Full: The Conflict Fuel Tank

gas-pump-1914310_640.jpg

As I coach tenured and new managers, one of the many recurring themes I hear about is the rampant interpersonal conflict within organizations. If there is conflict, the organization is not unique; in fact, if business owners believe there is little conflict among their team members, I am comfortable telling them they are wrong. 

Conflict avoidance is something we learn from a young age. Rather than addressing the way we feel, we look to our caregivers to fix the discomfort. While I am not suggesting you leave your young children to fight their battles on the playground without guidance, I do think there is validity in fighting our own battles from a young(ish) age. We were conditioned to have the parent, the sitter, the teacher, and then the boss, help fix our problems. Yes, I am a proponent of assisting employees in sorting through issues, but it is not about “doing it for them.” The enablement concept is closely linked with employee entitlement (and let’s make sure we are not encouraging that). 

The key here: do not avoid the topics that cause tension (employees often want to go around the issues) but instead we need to work through them. 

Avoidance of conflict, which mainly is attributed to our golden conditioning of thinking conflict is terrible, only fills the gas tank. Rather than simple disagreement, conflict is stored and builds upon itself. The person with whom you had a conflict now appears only to be or bring bad news. Typically, this is not the case – but we have filed it in our brain bank as “bad.” 

If you reach this point, it is probable you think addressing conflict is too exhausting and time-consuming. But the truth is: you need to face conflict as it rises. When you do not, it becomes overwhelming. You end up anxious, overly angry, and unsure as to why you despise a person so vehemently. 

If your conflict fuel tank is overflowing, it is time to start addressing (through), not avoiding (around) it. 

This article was first published on LinkedIn.

The Stay Interview

The stay interview, like the exit interview, is not a new practice. Business leaders are slow to implement the former which I argue is counterintuitive. Exit interviews offer institutions, government agencies, and firms alike insight into why employees leave and what organizational changes may prevent a like-caliber employee from moving on in the future. But, let us face it, the exit interview can only offer the potential to corrective action if the person receiving the exit interview information can actually use it – or better yet – make a useful change with the feedback.

Two women speaking over coffee

An exit interview, while still valid for gathering knowledge, is more about cleaning up the pieces. It is also all too often emotionally fueled due to the upsetness (some) managers face by losing an employee. Conversely, the stay interview approach is about preparation. If a valued employee gleans perspicacity into a glaring problem, a manager has an opportunity. This opportunity is particularly unique because the awareness gained can be used to motivate and retain the "stay interviewee." Rather than a broad stroke, a manager has the chance to make slight adjustments for each team member, ensuring continued discretionary effort and fueling manager-subordinate discourse rooted in trust.

 To my earlier point, the individual receiving feedback from the employee needs to have either influence or a path to an individual who can influence - even if small - change. An unfortunate practice, one particularly common with exit interviews, is when senior leadership never even bothers to review the responses — what a missed learning moment. From recurring themes to insights about the type of employee that is less successful at the organization, the data offers a wealth of information.

Let us assume you are new to this but think the idea of engagement and retention sounds appealing. How do you get started?

Preface the stay interview conversation with the worth the employee offers the organization. Next, candidly share the importance of understanding their experience at ABC company, and that the following questions are to understand what is meaningful to them, and to learn what areas need development.

  • What do you like most about working here?

  • What do you like least about working here?

  • Is there something you look forward to when you come to work each day?

  • What keeps you here?

  • If there is something you could change about your job, what would that be?

  • What motivates you?

  • What can I do better as a manager?

  • What talents are not being used in your current role?

  • What might tempt you to leave?

Do not forget to recap what you heard. Provide a real-time occasion for the employee to clarify or refine statements. Listening is an essential skill, after-all! Does your team member have a lot of sentiments about what needs to be changed? Set the expectation that change doesn’t happen overnight and be sure to communicate openly about what you have or do not have control over and what actions you will be seeking. A conversation without action (even if mostly positive) diminishes the value of a stay interview.

This article was first published via LinkedIn Articles

Culture Styles in the Workplace

This week we address cultural styles as well as the advantages and disadvantages of each. In previous weeks we discussed (1) how leadership influences culture and the foundational elements or assumptions about culture and (2) the dimensions of culture – including people interactions and response to change.

Climbing to the top

Under this framework, it is clear culture is multifaceted. Often leaders understand that culture is comprised of behaviors, environment, ethical constructs, cliques, mores, and the like. And, when a leader is tuned into the culture, it is not atypical to identify areas that need to be changed or adjusted. Below are eight cultural styles identified by Harvard Business Review (HBR). Each includes a brief description as well as correlating advantages or disadvantages.

To consider: With what style does your organization align? What areas could your organization benefit from adopting?

*A = Advantages
*D = Disadvantages

A Culture of Caring:

Unsurprisingly, Caring cultures are defined by being relationally focused. Behaviors of this culture are rooted in sincere connection and are associated with warmth and support.

A: Engagement is high, as is trust
D: Slowed decision making

A Culture of Purpose:

Does your organization offer, and abide by, explicitly clear direction? Then it likely functions under a Purpose culture construct. The aim is to achieve ideal outcomes.

A: Social importance increases, e.g., diversity or corporate social responsibility
D: Idealism may hinder addressing immediate concerns

A Culture of Learning:

This cultural undertone would easily fall under the interdependent dimension of culture that is tolerant to change. Learning cultures encourage innovation and exploration.

A: Organizational learning yields invention
D: May not capitalize on current competitive advantages (always looking for the next opportunity)

A Culture of Enjoyment:

The foundational elements of Enjoyment revolve around joy and play. HBR recognizes this construct as fun-loving. Although I do not see this culture often, we would be wise to adopt some of its attributes (due to the observed advantages).

A: Engagement is high, as is creativity
D: Playfulness may yield minimal discipline

A Culture of Results:

Unlike its Learning cultural brother, a Results culture is goal focused and achievement oriented. Under the cultural dimensions, you will see Results align with independent frameworks where competition and autonomy are valued.

A: Goal achievement and execution increases
D: Collaboration suffers and work/life stress increases

A Culture of Authority:

As the Authority term is defined – it is bold and dominant. There is little room for indecisiveness and sensitivity is not valued.

A: Speed to decision-making
D: Toxicity is common, e.g., feeling of unsafety/unease

 A Culture of Safety:

Just as children thrive with schedules and structure, stability can bring people comfort. A Safety culture is always prepared and looks to be rational and realistic.

A: Adequate risk management and stable environment
D: Formal approach may fuel bureaucratic processes, leading to inefficiency

A Culture of Order:

Similar to the philosophical notion of deontological ethics, rules are the guide under a culture of Order. Rules are referenced above all else, but value is also placed on respect and cooperation.

A: Reduced conflict with an improvement in operational effectiveness
D: Rules or constructs may lead to group-think and reduce individualization, affecting (decreased) creativity.

Like most conceptual frameworks, the benefit in understanding nuances is to discover reality, recognize opportunity, and take steps to adopt necessary change. When you reach this point, and need tactical steps to achieve a shift in cultural outcome, contact me.

HBR analyzed organizations, executives, and employees alike to develop a model to identify cultural and individual leadership styles. The eight characteristics above are pulled from HBR’s research; these characteristics are mapped along a grid, aligning with two dimensions as discussed last week: people interaction and response to change. For the full report and further detail, should you find this data collection useful, feel free to reach out and I will gladly send it along.