Take a Breath and Listen

Photo by Elice Moore on Unsplash

When I commence work with a client, I notice in our preliminary discussion whether or not someone is well adept at active listening or if it's going to be a focal point for our work together. The importance of active listening cannot be overstated. It establishes trust, offers validation, and is even a brain exercise from which we benefit. Then why do so few people listen well?

The two forms of listening are discriminative and comprehensive. Discriminative is developed at an early age and is the most basic form of listening. It does not require the understanding of words, but focuses on sound and allows us to distinguish the subtleties of people who are happy or sad, angry or stressed. It's the superpower of "how someone is saying something." Meanwhile, comprehensive listening involves understanding messages that are being communicated. Like discriminative listening, comprehensive listening is fundamental to all listening sub-types. The listener first needs appropriate vocabulary and language skills to comprehend messages.

There are other forms of listening too - Critical, Therapeutic, and Appreciative. But we often are too busy listening to our own thoughts or are waiting to say our piece. We're not very good at active listening; in fact, we're downright bad at it. Listening actively is an analytical exercise. It requires concentration on *all* of what is said. Not only the words, but the tone being used and the body language choices. Your opportunity is to process that information as it's received, forming conclusions along the way (and not before someone is done speaking).

But instead, we're conditioned to think it's acceptable to look at the text message we just received, open an email from your archnemesis, swipe left (or is it right?) on Tinder, and attend to WhatsApp messages, Slack pings, or even contemplate dinner options... None of that is OK if you want to show others you care not only about them but about what they are saying.

The good news? Listening is a skill that can be learned and there are techniques you can use to improve your listening effectiveness. First, set expectations. In meetings, it's best to let your team know what is expected of them. Do you allow the team to be disengaged, looking at their phones, or do you expect them to participate fully, and be attentive to what's in front of them? Contrary to common belief, multitasking isn't all that it's chalked up to be (it takes a serious toll on productivity!). In my household, I simply will stop speaking until my husband is off his cellphone and I know he is able to listen to what it is I am saying.

Some tips for helping you become a better listener:

• Identify Your Own Biases: Does the sound of someone's voice annoy you? Get past it and listen.

• Keep an Open Mind: Do not jump to snap judgments. Ratiocinate and flex your critical thinking capabilities.

• Mirror Back: Paraphrase what someone said to help your attention stay on that person and also to confirm you are understanding the intended message.

• Overcoming External Distractions: Set those expectations and resist the urge to pick up your cellphone or respond to emails while in the process of listening. [Short on time? No problem, but communicate that at the forefront. Expectations are your friend.]

Bonne chance!

First published on LinkedIn

Industry Highlight: Design, Engineering, and Construction

Ricardo Gomez Angel_Unsplash

We buy boys construction toys, and we buy girls babies and homemaker sets. The conditioning begins when we take the first swallow of earthly oxygen. Just take a peek at Gabrielle Galimberti’s Toy Stories exhibit if you think my statement is too bold - the global norm is far from teaching children gender neutrality. But what happens when women, or men, step outside the predetermined gender boxes (and all of the behaviors that come along with them)? How does this affect our professional and personal lives? 

After earning my undergraduate degree I worked for a small private university that specializes in architecture and architectural design. I worked in the office of admissions where I got to manage and work with students. Lucky for me, these students became architects, designers, and engineers - and I’m still in contact with a number of them. Recently, Tara Spencer and I were catching up and in a natural course, we ended up discussing the immense gender divide in the construction industry as a whole. I reflected upon a short stint of mine when I worked at a construction company. I definitively coined the culture as antediluvian and underdeveloped. I lasted at that place of employment for six months. 

The feelings came fluttering back. And my experience was not an isolated one. In fact, it was cushy. Tara, a licensed architect, and certified interior designer embarked on a data-collecting journey to capture other women’s experiences in an industry dominated by men and so clearly overshadowed by a boys club set of rules. 

Tara polled interior designers, architects, construction managers, engineers, interior designers, and product designers. As I read through the personal accounts of these female professionals being on the receiving end of microaggressions and clear dismissiveness, I had to pick my jaw up off the floor.

I am giving you this detail to set the stage for a series. We want to share real examples of what women have experienced in the construction industry, and offer ways you can maintain your confidence - you are credentialed after all - but also combat against the, at times, vulgarities. It’s a challenging feat; anyone who has been on the receiving end of lewd remarks can relate… There’s not an easy answer. At least not one that feels safe or necessarily appropriate.  

If you struggle with a male-dominated place of work, where your intelligence is overlooked and misconduct is rampant, tune in to this series. We aim to have you walk away with an understanding of what challenges women face in these fields, but also to provide proven tactics for managing provocation and realizing that you are not the problem. You are not alone and there is strength in numbers. Mainly, though, there is strength in knowledge. We can educate women to respond strongly and we can educate men that behavior matters -- as does allyship. 

First published on LinkedIn.

Cultivate a Leadership Culture

Mimicry. We see this both in nature and in the workplace. Whether it's the viceroy butterfly attempting to look like its more attractive counterpart, the monarch (I’m partial), or if it’s the malleable mind of an employee who mimics a leader’s behaviors, we must create organizational frameworks that encourage an environment that fosters leadership. 

What steps can organizations take to mold future leaders and help individuals reach their full potential? 

Mentorship. 

Formalized mentor programs are implemented to help people evolve. Whether a person is a new or tenured employee, the act of mentorship is invaluable. Mentors can shed light into life experiences: missed opportunities, successes, behavioral shortcomings, moments of strength… The list goes on. Organizations have an opportunity to help employees advance in more ways than one when a flexible but scalable mentor program is put into place.

[But here’s the thing -- if there isn’t a mentor program, that should not stop you from seeking out a mentor. Notably to my female audience, do not be afraid to ask for time from someone you respect. Observe the people you want to mirror and ask yourself why. Request time with this person.] 

Acknowledgment. 

I mention acknowledgment more than I do not. Why? It’s a powerful way to establish relational trust and respect. Furthermore, it increases discretionary effort (who doesn’t want to work harder for someone they respect and appreciate?). If you find yourself in a work environment without acknowledgment, the organization is missing the mark. Herein lies an opportunity: It can start with you. Acknowledge your colleagues, your direct reports, and even your boss. A contagion of acknowledgment can change workplace cultures into supportive, accountable ones.  

Consistency. 

Can your colleagues count on you? In an organization where leaders are notoriously late for meetings, cut off counterparts to take calls, and interrupt repeatedly to hear their own voice, there is little hope for the next class. Consistency is a double-edged sword. Do you want to be consistent? Craft what you want it to mean for yourself. To me, being consistent means many things. That I deliver work in a timely way, done with thought, effort, and a scrutinizing eye. But it also means being a confidant, and a voice of reason. It means providing emotional regularity, and being truthful about distractions. The truth is, consistency simply defines a repeatable pattern. This is why it is essential to craft what consistency means within your organization. Consistent leaders can encourage collaboration, trust, and accountability. 

We absorb tendencies from people we are around the most. And there’s no spoiler here, we spend a lot of time at work - at least 10 continuous years of our life. Great place to pick up habits, but it’s an even better place to practice habits, and teach others those habits. 

Foster leadership by being a mentor, by acknowledging others, and by consistently leading by example. If you want your organizations to foster an environment of leadership, it starts with you. 

First published on LinkedIn.

Toxic Places of Work & the Road to Redemption

Photo by Beth Jnr on Unsplash

There is no magic wand to miraculously wave away workplace toxicity, but there are actionable steps that can be taken to correct the course. 2020 has offered up challenges for employers and employees alike. From financial concerns to illness and future-state ambiguities, there were only one of two ways for toxic tendencies within workplaces to go. Toxicity was either brought to the surface, where the sunlight brilliantly exposed wrongdoing and dysfunction, or it was filtered out and left behind. The societal wake-up call(s) we’ve faced in the past six months -- one may even say a metanoia-like experience -- reshaped how organizational leaders chose to move forward. Many quickly got back on track without consequence (the “filter”), they knew time was up to be on the right side of history, taking into account equity, diversity, and overarching priorities. 

But not all are so lucky. 

There were organizations that exposed toxic behaviors and practices by happenstance, and yet proceeded in normal course and missed an opportunity. This spring there was a monumental moment in time to consider the current landscape, make changes, and proceed with a new North Star (crises can be good for that sort of thing). But perhaps these companies are now considering reworkings. They have lost too many valuable clients and employees, and are flailing in the water. What can these companies do? 

Acknowledge Deficiencies.

Workplaces with toxicity tend to have repeat offenses. If you are a leader, do the work: Why are people leaving? What is the consistent feedback loop? Why is there concern? This is the launchpad. Use this to admit to and recognize inadequacies. Shed light on areas of improvement as well as on the process for resolution.  

Re-engage: Actively Communicate & Revitalize. 

Effective communication is critical to the survival and success of any organization, regardless of location and size. Actively communicating goals, shortcomings, and progress around failures, demonstrates a commitment to change. Almost 75% of employees feel they do not receive consistent company communication from the organization for which they work. With a global pandemic, the necessity for companies to be even more communicative is at an all-time high. [I’m not suggesting you write daily books to employees - remember adults’ attention spans… A helpful tip: Employees are two times as likely to watch a video than read text.] 

Revisit the company vision and company values. Rework communication to incorporate these standards into the messaging. Keeping employees engaged during a period of correcting course makes them feel like a part of the process. Lean on this and dedicate the time to listening. Also, be cognizant of who is communicating these messages. Does the individual stand behind and embody the changes?

Universal Standard Setting 

If a company has admitted to shortcomings and is taking steps to improve the culture, it’s essential to set standards of excellence, especially for leaders. Revisit the code of conduct and make changes to it if necessary. Letting one incident slide turns into a slippery slope. All employees must be held accountable, regardless of seniority. Not addressing incidents is how toxic cultures fester. Some guidelines to ensure consistency include a) accountability, b) known consequences no matter how senior, c) offering employees a safe way to share their observations or concerns.  

First published on LinkedIn.