My Boss Never Learned How to Manage (Well)

If you follow me, you know I write about how to manage well, and that good managers are ultimately leaders. As perplexing as this concept might be, it’s actually quite intuitive, as Lisa Gillette and I spoke about last week. As a manager you must be tactical and manage a process; as a leader your job is to inspire and motivate your people.

If the focus is on procedural cadence alone, a manager may be quick to critique and slow to encourage (forgetting that vital human element). And herein lies a shared sentiment among many: "My boss never learned how to manage well.”

I am confident in my assertion that control-based issues (which inspires fears in team members and not empowerment) is a direct result of insecurity. But this isn’t shocking if your manager was never taught how to manage. [Spoiler: Most people aren’t and you might not be able to wait for them to get savvy.]

A common theme I witness in start-ups and mid-sized corporations alike, is a severe case of control through intimidation and minimization. In long form, they need everyone - especially those senior to them - to think they know what they’re doing, even amidst arguable incompetence. And, what’s more, this energy permeates throughout the team with credit theft at the helm.

This raises a combination of issues to address, but we’ll focus on just one to start: What do you do when your boss is quick to minimize (pointing fingers or never taking ownership), and slow to award credit or give recognition for your work? 

It's not about you.
When your boss is reactive and dismissive, it's hard not to take it personally. So what can you do about it? You can count to 10 and take deep breaths (to engage your parasympathetic nervous system); You can realize that this is a communication inadequacy, and you can talk to them about it. “When I hear you respond this way it makes me feel like I am not doing a good job. Am I misunderstanding you?” You can tell them what you need: Your manager may need to smooth some rough edges, but they also are not mind readers.

Communicate.
Ah, yes, the notorious directive to communicate. But seriously. Sometimes managers are in their emotional brain - waving through the motions and focusing only on work output, with little empathy or concern for others. But what happens when a level-headed team member raises concerns about this behavior? I'll tell you what: They are taken aback and it just may encourage some self-reflection.

Here are three communication talk tracks that you can adopt or tweak for your comfort level when you're feeling belittled:

1. "In order for me to be the most effective I can be, I need to feel supported and I am not receiving that [support] [recognition] [respect]. Are you willing to work with me toward rectification?"

2. "It seems there's concern around my capabilities. What can I do to earn your trust?" 

3. "I suspect we can be more effective; Can you help me understand your frustration toward me?" 

The best thing to do when you're addressing conflict, especially of this nature, is to remain calm and clear-headed. Envision yourself assuming an inquisitive nature, not a combative one. Note: Being calm does not minimize your strength! Ultimately, addressing these issues can change your manager's behavior, improving the environment you face each day. 

Even if your boss never learned how to manage well, don’t lose hope yet. Take it upon yourself to manage-up and try the above. Questions or comments? Feel free to share. 

People Management Strategy: A Tip

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Last quarter I wrote about increasing performance by improving team engagement. Assessing engagement levels, or lack thereof can help organizational leaders diagnose cultural challenges and implement solutions. 

What is interesting about leadership consulting is clients often seek advice and support when there is emerging dissonance – whether interdepartmentally or at the individual level – or akin to the example of when performance is suffering. And this is what I want to focus on today: A tip on how to be proactive in your people management strategy. 

Whether you are unsure where to begin with your people operations or are already aware of some issues needing resolve, I want you to think about managing people (and crafting or maintaining a company culture) as a constant. It is not ripping off a bandaid nor is it a checkbox on your to-do list. Sorry, people are complex! And that complexity includes an array of considerations – not only personal circumstances, but professional demands, social tensions, political unrest, and the like. This gestalt view is a helpful way to see the world; the ebbs and flows of life will remain regardless of a team win or losing an at risk client. It is part of everyday life. 

Thus, when determining or refining a people operations strategy, look for a solution that is comprehensive and less segmented, e.g., “one-and-done training.” For example, while unconscious bias training is of utmost relevance and is a mainstay for DEI programming, I argue that this should not be a stand-alone program. Instead, it should be baked into the coaching curriculum for management education. It’s not an add-on but rather an integral part of managing. If we want to build inclusive workplaces, the subject matter of inclusion must be fundamental, not additional.  

If I think about any large group presentation I’ve ever attended, I will be the first to admit that I must take notes. Otherwise, I tune out. Adults have an average attention span of 8.25 seconds – yikes! While I won’t pick apart why our attention spans are decreasing, I will make this point: If we are sitting for a 60-minute training, it better be compelling. But what happens when it’s not? It is a missed opportunity for learning.

This is why incorporating fundamental concepts into regular discourse is more effective. A person engaged in 1:1 conversation is significantly more likely to stay focused than when he is one of many in the crowd, thanks to decreased distractions and stimulation — and this is why I include inclusion education in all of my management coaching. It’s simply foundational and will not only improve psychological safety (a factor to increasing engagement) but will be a more cost-effective, and proactive, approach to learning and development within the business. 

Get in touch to learn how I can help your team.

Retain Your Employees with Just Two Efforts

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The Great Resignation was initially spoken about as women departed their places of work in 2020 (either by force or by “choice”). Over five million women were affected. In the present day, nearly two million women still have not returned to the workforce (in the United States alone). 

Interestingly, this “Great Resignation” has taken shape to classify the departure of both women and men, noting the changing landscape of work, and employees’ sentiments on what work should look like. While I do not argue there are clear trends of disengagement which have led to both men and women leaving the workforce, there is still a monumental issue of women being at the helm of COVID job losses. 

Media outlets, particularly those who cover leadership and management, have used this opportunity to talk about the importance of retention. I find it startling, and fascinating, that due to the fact this Resignation now includes men, it is being discussed further. Not just the reality of departures, but the essentiality that companies do all they can do to make people stay. Where was this same tone during the pandemic when women were mass exiting? 

Needless to say, the point remains that in order for the economy to stabilize and for companies to flourish, both men and women must remain, or return, to the workplace. But how are we intending to help people return? How are we intending to keep people content in their current positions? 

If you are familiar with my work you know I advocate for women. And, after a year researching and publishing a book on women’s experiences during COVID-19, I assure you it is women that companies need to be focused on when it comes to retention and engagement. Regardless, engagement drives performance and the best companies are composed of diverse teams, thus there are actions you can take readily to engage all company members. 

Career Transparency

Career transparency can minimize ambiguity and increase engagement. Helping employees know what’s next for them (and helping him/her create the path) is paramount. What makes this employee tick? What areas do they excel in? How does their current career path allow for their skills to shine? 

If you haven’t discussed this with your team members, it’s time. If your team member isn’t sure what it is they want in their career, your job is to help them discover. But, odds are, they have an inkling of what they want to accomplish, and have been waiting for you to ask how they can achieve their goals. 

Recognition 

Yes, something as simple as recognition can increase retention. Have you ever been in a position where a superior took an idea as his own? Or did an exceptional job on a project and was simply assigned the next? This wears on people. Managers must have integrity and shed a light on their team members’ successes, not take them as their own. Further, managers must take the time to privately and publicly recognize their team. Not only does this spark discretionary effort, but a microculture of recognition demonstrates to a company as a whole that behavior that promotes and encourages will also establish trustworthy and hardworking teams. 

Too Busy to Be a Good Manager? Time to Reset.

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Feeling mentally and physically drained as a manager of people? You’re not alone. Managers everywhere are grappling to keep up. Flexibility, empathy, consistency, and intentional leading takes energy. Thus, it’s no wonder many managers struggled during the pandemic’s peak which has flowed over into the present day.

How does one know what to say, or what to do when faced with circumstances never seen before? How a manager behaves is a pretty basic leadership style trait: There are people who are relationship-centric, and there are people who are task-centric. Both profiles are easily identifiable among managers – and from your own personal experiences, I’m sure you’re thinking of a manager who tended to lean one way or another. When managers are under stress which is compounded by “the unknowns” it can be easy to resort to what is most comfortable, regardless of what is best for the team. 

If you are a manager reading this, it’s probable you were trying to keep your head above water in the past year and a half. You may have become overly invested in personal experiences that ended up hurting productivity, or you may have compartmentalized other peoples’ issues as a concern that was not your own.  Perhaps now is the ideal moment to reflect upon what could be done better across the spectrum and how you can prepare for crises. Evaluate the current atmosphere and team dynamics to make up for the damage done or for the missed opportunities.

First, slow it down.

I get it, easier said than done. But the nation is catching up to this whole “people matter and we better invest in them” thing, so it is your job to take the steps needed to ensure the vitality and successes of your workgroup.

What helps slow things down, you may ask? Emotional regulation. How are you feeling, why are you feeling that way? Are you quick to react under stress, or do you reflect and respond? Impulsive decision-making – what I like to call “hectic direction” – will only cause uncertainty and concern among team members. Being thoughtful and poised is not to be confused with being slow. Steady yourself with deep breathing, fair turnaround time, and clear expectations about what can and cannot be done within predefined time frames.

Second, reignite feedback.

Whether your corporation provides formal reviews or not, you should be giving your team members regular, quarterly reviews. Work with your team members to set goals, output, timelines, and reasonable expectations about what a person can count on with upward mobility, pay, flexibility, or career pathing. Do you spend time with your team members individually? What are you doing to ensure their psychological safety? Listening is the first step to establishing trust and with trust, candid conversation and better performance will follow.

This is a great summer exercise to employ prior to the frenzy of back to school and the decrease in summer vacationing.