emotional intelligence

Need a Differentiator? Master EQ.

If you think about it, what is the common thread throughout all business?  People.

Emotional intelligence is defined in a myriad of ways, but the short and sweet version: it is the ability for a person to be aware of their feelings and others, while also controlling emotions, being thoughtful with responses.

Pixabay: urban street

Whether we are communicating with a family member, or a Fortune 100 company, understanding others, acting empathetically, and adjusting for the environment is 

Positivity Meets Reality: The world is not perfect, no. Far from it in fact. Yet, positive people often lift those up around them and approach issues as opportunities. When people are able to take challenges or obstacles and look at them for what they are - challenging but not life-threatening – the positive outlook perseveres.

Stress Management:  How do you manage your stress? Whether someone cuts you off on the highway or smacks you in the face with an umbrella (more common in NYC), that is no reason to let your day unravel. I propose: be aware of your frustration, recognize it for what it is, accept it, and move on. Deep breathing helps (as does some intense exercise!).

Take note: Facial expressions and body language speak loudly. If someone is avoiding eye contact or shifting their weight, is the conversation worth having? Or, is someone beginning to stir with anger? Being aware of others’ behaviors and body language can help circumvent heightened arguments or can save time. Hold the challenging discussion for time all parties can be attentive and thoughtful.

Higher EQ supports team alignment, reduces conflict, lowers stress, and fuels the positivity tank. Unsurprisingly, positive spins result in proactivity and solution-focused perspectives, as opposed to reactivity (its evil twin).

Keep fighting the good fight!

First published on LinkedIn

But… Wasn’t I The Best Manager Ever??

Woman at desk filling out paperwork

Every week I get the opportunity to evaluate systemic issues; from the micro-culture that is the office environment, to the macro-culture that is our government. Looking for the gaps in human interaction really makes me tick.

With a sufficient knowledge base – an undergraduate degree in communication, a master’s in leadership and organizational communication, and now an in-pursuit doctorate in business leadership, I must be able to walk-the-walk, right?

To answer the question: I most definitely was not the best manager ever.

Self-Assessment & Reflection

If you want to be a leader or manager (find out the leader/manager relationship here), the first step is knowing yourself. It might seem most reasonable to ask a friend what they think about your management capabilities, but that’s not going to cut it. Fortunately, behavioral psychologists and researchers before me have realized self-assessments act as a foundation for changing behavior; and change doesn’t occur without awareness.

In retrospect, revisiting personality or interpersonal leadership style assessments – and truly understanding them – would have proved quite useful before entering management. Here I was thinking I knew myself. In fairness, I was aware of my downfalls, but never took steps to address them… Yeah, that’s a problem.

Let’s see, in 2012 Stratton Consulting identified my interpersonal leadership style as Director, with a correlating perception of flexibility as Rigid. In 2013 the DiSC pinned me in a classic Inspirational Pattern. In 2014 Gallup Strengths-Based Leadership Report coined me as an Executor. And in 2016, Myers-Briggs reiterated my INTJ status. Now without context or experience reading these reports, the aforementioned classifiers aren’t particularly telling.

What I can tell you is I had (and have) blind spots. I’m critical and judgmental. I’m opinionated and persistent. I’m competitive and discontented. And yet, I truly believe people are at the core of functional businesses, and that the purpose of management is to serve their people, not to serve themselves.

It wasn’t until that clicked – until my team’s success meant more to me than my own – that I truly started to change my behavior.

I think of times a team member asked me to review an email or edit a deck. Each and every time I was nitpicky. I have no doubt I drove my team nuts. It was likely cringe worthy!

Did this empower them? No, it showed them that I thought my way was better. If something is flat out wrong, I’m not saying you shouldn’t inquire and help them get to the correct answer (key word help, not enable) but don’t assume your way is the only one. 

Out of all these personality tests, leadership assessments, and the like, there’s one thing I know for sure: any perceived negative attribute I’ve possessed over the years has to do with ego. And the moment we let our egos get in the way, is the moment we lose sight of the value in our human capital.

If you’re like me, you’re hoping I will get to the point here soon. The point is this: self-reflection is a path to leadership development. I encourage you to ask yourself two things:

  1. Why do you want to lead?

  2. What is the purpose of your leadership?

If the answers are power, money, and prestige, you are at risk for relying on external gratification for fulfillment. I’d be delusional if I said you can’t lead with the desire to serve others, and simultaneously earn influence, prestige, or wealth. But – and this is the big but – be cognizant of underlying motivators.

If there’s an area you’re hoping to improve and you’re looking for literature or some support, you know how to reach me.

For the solo high-performer who wants to remain as such: It’s OK to be a stellar individual contributor and never manage a team. The point here is not to change who you are – it’s to own it and maximize the hell out of it!