Need a Differentiator? Master EQ.

If you think about it, what is the common thread throughout all business?  People.

Emotional intelligence is defined in a myriad of ways, but the short and sweet version: it is the ability for a person to be aware of their feelings and others, while also controlling emotions, being thoughtful with responses.

Whether we are communicating with a family member, or a Fortune 100 company, understanding others, acting empathetically, and adjusting for the environment is 

Positivity Meets Reality: The world is not perfect, no. Far from it in fact. Yet, positive people often lift those up around them and approach issues as opportunities. When people are able to take challenges or obstacles and look at them for what they are - challenging but not life-threatening – the positive outlook perseveres.

Stress Management:  How do you manage your stress? Whether someone cuts you off on the highway or smacks you in the face with an umbrella (more common in NYC), that is no reason to let your day unravel. I propose: be aware of your frustration, recognize it for what it is, accept it, and move on. Deep breathing helps (as does some intense exercise!).

Take note: Facial expressions and body language speak loudly. If someone is avoiding eye contact or shifting their weight, is the conversation worth having? Or, is someone beginning to stir with anger? Being aware of others’ behaviors and body language can help circumvent heightened arguments or can save time. Hold the challenging discussion for time all parties can be attentive and thoughtful.

Higher EQ supports team alignment, reduces conflict, lowers stress, and fuels the positivity tank. Unsurprisingly, positive spins result in proactivity and solution-focused perspectives, as opposed to reactivity (its evil twin).

Keep fighting the good fight!

First published on LinkedIn

Do You Inspire?

What does an inspired person look like? Not only are they actively engaged, their productivity is superior. As a consequence, their production motivates those around them – and a new standard is set.

Inspired people can be team members, leaders, or managers. Arguably, all people can be leaders – thus it does not matter where an inspired person falls on the totem pole. This is about setting standards of excellence, and having it radiate to others.

If an inspirational leader (person) unlocks motivation and engagement – as well as commitment, there’s no question that businesses will be served well to help people tap into their inner inspiration. But how do we do that?

First, let me define what I mean by inspiration. Inspirational leaders use a combination of skills that motivate and simultaneously place value on accountability for results. This is not a cheerleader – it is a cheerleader with expectations. Inspirational leaders use taught or innate traits to help unlock performance potential in others.  

HBR conducted a study to learn what traits the participants identify as inspiring. The findings point to an interesting conclusion: inspirational people need to be diverse and have the ability to adapt. While many attributes help inspire others, only one trait is needed to double the likelihood that you will be viewed as an inspirational person.

Some of these traits include humility, empathy, openness, vision, focus, unselfishness, and stress tolerance. From my experiences, it is clear these attributes require self-reflection, receptivity, and a guiding philosophy of servanthood. [Are you taking steps to flex muscles that result in the aforementioned traits?]

The answer to reaching limitless potential is through the investment in people and in ourselves. Inspirational leaders recognize the opportunity to draw upon the rolodex of traits, contingent upon the situation. An aptitude to respond appropriately in differing scenarios takes poise and practice. The good news is, in dealing with people, there is never an absence of opportunity to practice inspiring others! What trait do your colleagues or counterparts possess that you find most inspirational?  

First published on LinkedIn

Fear: A Silent Instigator

Of all complex situations in the workplace, fear is not often a term discussed or even considered when it comes to addressing and managing disagreements or tense situations.

I recently commenced reading a book I remind myself to open each year: Wired for Joy. The author, Laurel Mellin, helps readers understand more about how the brain functions. In brief (you should purchase the book!), there are joy circuits and stress circuits. Stress circuits are all around us – at home, in the office, on the road. Joy circuits, however, are harder to come by. And, like anything, practice makes perfect. When stress circuits are used regularly, they are more easily triggered.

OK, so what does this have to do with fear?

Picture yourself at work. You have a colleague who just wrote you a nastygram, insinuating your knowledge is inferior to their own. First, take virtual communication into consideration. This person may simply have a poor tone in email (I encourage you to pick up the phone *once you are calm* if you sense miscommunication or passive aggressive behavior). But beyond the tone or the insinuation, are your feelings. Your blood pressure rose, and your brain went straight to the stressed state.

What I described is as typical as getting water when we are thirsty. It’s not that we want to feel poor, but our brains tell us something is wrong. While I won’t try to explain the technicalities of neurotransmitters – Laurel can do that – I did consider a tactic that can help reground you and help you realize what is actually bothersome. What I realized is a lot of stress, and anger, stems from fear.

Next time you feel angry, give this method a shot:

• Ask yourself who you are angry toward. List the person or people.

• Then, ask yourself the reason. Record the reason.

• Now, consider what it effects. Self-esteem? Security? Ambitions? Personal relations?

• Finally, what are the underlying fears?

Let’s take the above example. Pretend Mark sent you the email. Mark is the person you are angry toward. The reason you are angry is that he is acting as he knows more than you do. <Enter reflective mode here.> The email made you feel less intelligent, gave you a swirl of insecurity about your job, and made you question if you are good enough. Further, you are now angry at Mark. How dare he? ... But what are you afraid of? Perhaps you are fearful you may lose your job, or you fear the project you need to work on with Mark will be a catastrophe.

Consider your feelings, and this process, the next time your blood boils. It may have less to do with the person (albeit we all have these tedious experiences!) and more to do with your fears. Once you recognize those fears, you are empowered to respond with insight – maybe even vulnerability – and not hostility. This helps ease tension and supports cohesion rather than opposition.

/Article originally published on LinkedIn./

Middle Managers: Why the Focus?

For those of you reading my blog, you know you can expect an array of leadership insights each week. But at the core of BVC is a belief: the belief middle managers are essential to your organization. Just how essential? Let’s explore.

Imagine a budding company of 100 people. There is a healthy C-suite – from CEO to CRO, making up less than 10 percent of the company. Then imagine the VPs; there are four departments whose VPs report into the C-suite. Now, let’s skip a level and go to “worker bees” – the junior support staff, budding savants, what have you. Not too long ago, when the company was at just 60 people, those then juniors knew little about managing. Yet, they are now the tenured professional, managing a team of two or more (these individuals are now the big group we skipped moments ago!).

With such scale, is it probable the new managers received coaching and/or training? For their area of expertise, perhaps. But for management? Unlikely.

There’s no question that top management, namely executives, play a significant role in setting the overall direction of the company. I’m not debating this. But I am shedding light on the fact companies invest a lot (we are talking billions of dollars) on executive leadership or “executive coaching” as it’s coined. I’ll be the first person to share this service is helpful; we should all continue to grow, learn, and evolve. I also know some awesome executive coaches if you are in the market. But to that point, we should start this self-exploration and education far before we wear the VP or C-suite title.

The best managers are able to work closely with their teams, and simultaneously offer valuable contributions. These managers are not only equipped with the technical skills, but they encourage an environment of consistent feedback, acknowledgement, and respect. Unsurprisingly, these are the leadership elements we spoke about a couple weeks ago.

Middle managers are not only responsible for their team’s production, they are a primary driver of performance! Since this is the case, managers must be equipped with managing conflict — 30 percent of a manager’s time each week — and promoting cohesion. Decreasing conflict through effective management, by even 10 percent, is monumental to time effectiveness and results.

Middle managers have incredible influence. Not only on culture, but on productivity. Again, they are essential to the business(!), and are worth the investment.